Top-Ten Tuesday: The Gang’s Best Quotes

For ten seasons now the cast of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia have been spitting out the most vulgar, outlandish, and utterly hysterical one-liners on television. As a result, it was a difficult task to choose just ten of the best quotes from the series as it’s progressed so far. However, these ten quotes are the ones that make me laugh out loud no matter how many times I hear them or read them–this is my list for the top ten quotes from the gang.

#10). “Hey-o! What’s up, bitches?!” -Mac 

#9). “Later, boners.” -Sweet Dee

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#8). “Later, dudes. S you in your A’s, don’t wear a C and J all over your B’s.” -Charlie

#7). “See you later, Dirt Grub and Ronnie the Rat. Hope you suck each other’s rotten peckers until you get mouth cancer.” -Sweet Dee

#6). “You gotta pay the troll toll, if you wanna get into that boy’s soul.” -Frank

#5). “Name’s Artemis. I have a bleached asshole.” -Artemis

#4). “I will eat your babies, bitch!” -Sweet Dee

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#3). “Your mom doesn’t know dick! She’s a dumb, fat cow. And your sister, she’s a stupid little shit-mouthed bitch, isn’t she?” -Sweet Dee

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#2). Mac, you have an exceptional number of bugs in your teeth. You’re gonna wanna rinse those out. It’s disgusting. -Dennis

#1). Mac, I’m gonna stop you right there. First of all, your breath smells like an old lady fart passing through an onion. Secondly, I know you’re trying to manipulate me, and it’s not going to work. Get your hand off my shoulder, because I’ve got a fatty to burn. -Sweet Dee

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Like I said, this was incredibly hard due to the plethora of quotes to choose from. So, just because I didn’t want to leave out some of my other favorites, here is a list of honorable mentions.

  • “I’m a…full-on rapist, you know? Uh, Africans, dyslexics, children, that sort of thing.” -Charlie
  • “I eat stickers all the time, dude!” -Charlie
  • “Hi. Um, I’m a recovering crackhead. This is my retarded sister that I take care of. I’d like some welfare, please.” -Dennis
  • “Oh, get a job? Just get a job? Why don’t I strap on my job helmet and squeeze down into a job cannon and fire off into job land, where jobs grow on jobbies?!” -Charlie
  • “I’m not fat. I’m cultivating mass.” -Fat Mac
  • “Dee, don’t be ridiculous…think of the smell. YOU HAVEN’T THOUGHT OF THE SMELL, YOU BITCH! Now you say another word and I swear to god I will dice you into a million little pieces…and put those pieces in a box, a glass box, that I will display on my mantle.” – Dennis

Agree or disagree with my list? Leave me a comment and let me know what your favorite quotes are from the show, and see if they made my list of top-ten picks.

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Top-Ten Tuesday: Frank’s Best Moments

The oldest (in age and time of arrival) member of the gang, Frank Reynolds, has filled It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia with a plethora of crazy antics and outlandish ideas. His scheming ways and mental instability have classified him as one of the more unpredictable characters in the series. However, this unpredictability is exactly what makes him so funny and popular among fans of the show. He has been lighting up TV screens with toe-knives and Paddy’s eggs for 9 seasons now, and theses are my picks for his ten best moments from the show thus far.

#10). His one true love

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In the episode “Frank’s Brother” we meet Frank’s one true love, a lounge singer named Shadynasty. Experiences of love and loss, including Frank fleeing the country and getting addicted to cocaine, make for a memorable episode that provides us with a great look into Frank’s past.

#9). His suicide attempt

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In a state of depression, Frank tries to take his own life by hanging himself from the rafters of the bar. Unfortunately, his neck is of tree trunk density and the noose has no effect as he dangles back and forth like a balding pinata.

#8). The Paddy’s Pub eggs

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While creating Paddy’s Pub merchandise, Frank decides to take a poultry related route and design Paddy’s eggs. No one knows why Frank thought this would ever be a good idea, but the signature green eggs come up again in numerous episodes including “The Gang Tries Desperately to Win An Award.”

#7). His hand-sanitizer bath

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During a flu outbreak in Philadelphia, Frank decides to have everyone quarantined inside the bar in order to prevent them from catching the sickness from outsiders. However, as the gang members start to become sick despite the quarantine, Frank becomes increasingly paranoid. He starts by removing all the hair from his entire body to rid himself of germs and ends the episode rolling around in hand-sanitizer muttering crazed nonsense.

P.S. It turns out that none of the gang members were actually sick with the flu, but rather were just experience severe alcohol withdrawal. Thank god for the whiskey Charlie keeps in a bleach bottle under the bathroom sink, phew.

#6). His skinny jeans

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In the episode “The Gang Reignites the Rivalry” Frank tries to get hip and buy a pair of skinny jeans. The result is a hilarious scene between the guys not only when they criticize him for how ridiculous he looks, but also when they struggle desperately to get the tight-fit jeans off of Franks’ dense senior-citizen legs.

#5). When he pooped the bed

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“Who Pooped the Bed?” is one of my favorite episode the series has done thus far, for many reasons. But Frank really steals the show when we find out the answer to this question at the end of the episode. After the discovery of many suspiciously vile turds, and an in depth investigation, Frank non-nonchalantly shuts down all the accusations and admits that every poop was his–including one on the floor of the bar that he dropped in the middle of his confession.

#4). When he broke out of the couch

Arguably one of Frank’s most outlandish moments–and that’s saying something–was when he made Dennis and Dee sew him into the upholstery of the couch at a Christmas party they were planning on attending. Frank tries to overhear some of the party-goers talking trash about him and ends up breaking free from the couch like some sort of home-decor fetus, revealing his sweaty nude body to the poor unlucky guests.

#3). Rum ham

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When “The Gang Goes to the Jersey Shore” everyone kind of goes their own way. Frank and Mac end up on the beach where Frank debuts the famous ‘rum ham.’ Mac, currently in his fat stage, applauds the idea of being able to eat their drinks. Unfortunately, when the duo falls asleep on a raft that drifts from shore, they loose sight of rum ham and it drifts away in agony–mimicking the famous scene from Castaway where Tom Hanks looses his volleyball ‘Wilson.’

#2). His tailgating acid trip

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One of Frank’s first hilariously memorable moments comes during season 3’s “The Gang Gets Invincible” when Frank and Charlie decide to tailgate the citizen Eagle’s tryouts. Charlie just wanted a nice day to relax and get drunk, but Frank had other plans. He decides to drop a shit ton of acid that results in a crazy trip where he thinks he’s locked in an RV bathroom and must climb through Artemis’ mouth in the toilet bowl to escape. Turns out, he’s just standing in a trash can spinning in circles… He even slips Charlie some acid too without him knowing, which leads to the series first reveal of the famous green man.

#1). The troll toll

I don’t think anyone can deny that Frank’s roll in “The Nightman Cometh” takes the cake for his funniest and most famous moment from the show. He plays the role of a troll in Charlie’s musical. This roll includes a song where he demands a toll from the nightman in order for him to gain access to the little boy he wants. While Frank is supposed to be saying “you gotta pay the toll troll if ya want to get into that boy’s soul” his pronunciation makes it sound like he’s saying “boy’s hole.” This, clearly, makes it sound like the nightman needs to rape a little boy, which is not what Charlie had envisioned. This, paired with his ridiculous costume and prosthetics worn during the performance, makes for a classic Frank moment that no one can forget.

Top-Ten Tuesday: Mac’s Best Moments

Whether he’s been straight, gay, fat, or skinny, Mac has been making us laughing on It’s Always Sunny for over ten seasons now. He uses his fast-paced karate moves and aggressive insults to ensure his self-proclaimed ‘bad-assness’ always shines through. Here are my picks for Ronald McDonald’s top ten moments from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

‘#10). ‘Jabroni’

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During his shot at fame on a local hockey rink, Mac coins his signature term ‘jabroni.’ A word that I love just as much as Charlie.

#9). His Christmas epiphany

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During the Always Sunny Christmas episode, Mac and Charlie reminisce about their childhood holidays. It’s during this flashback that Mac learns his first few Christmases were far from normal. Charlie breaks the news to him that, no, it’s not normal for families to run from house to house opening the presents under other people’s trees. Mac, that’s stealing…and your father is a dirty criminal,

#8). His Mac day

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During ‘Mac day,’ where the whole gang has to do all the activities Mac wants, we learn a few crucial things about Mr. McDonald. He avoids jumping off a bridge into the river, proving he is in fact not bad-ass; he sucks at karate and fails miserably in a real match. Finally, after he makes the gang go to a body building convention to oil up the contestants, they finally relay out loud that Mac is in fact gay…for sure.

#7). The reveal of his real name

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Having been known solely as Mac in the series thus far, we get to finally see his real name when he checks into his high-school reunion. Turns out, it’s Ronald McDonald. Hey, maybe sharing the name of the spokesperson for the biggest fast-food chain in the world is the reason he got so fat?

#6). When he sleeps with a tranny

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Flattered by Carmen’s compliments on his muscular body, Mac went to the gang to brag about his new catch. Turns out though, shes clearly a man. Mac decides to suck it up though and wait til she get’s her reconstructive surgery, hiding their relationship from the gang all the while.

#5). When he had bugs in his teeth

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While the guys go on a mission to offer door-step trash service, Mac decides to ride on the back of the limo like a real garbage man on his truck. However, when they arrive at the first location Mac offers to do all the talking–failing to notice his pearly whites are riddled with dead bugs.

#4). His nightman role

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Cat eyes, hissing, karate, and uncomfortable boners were all components of Mac’s role as the nightman in Charlie’s play “The Nightman Cometh.” Despite his desire for gasps from the crowd, all he gets is laughter and ridicule.

#3). When he banged Dennis’ mom

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One of Mac’s more controversial moments, he ends up sleeping with Dennis’ mom in a fit of passion. Afterwards, he becomes enthralled with her. Unfortunately, she thought he was a horrible lay and completely ignores him–sending him into a downward emotional spiral as he tries to win her affection.

#2). His towels

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When the gang decides to make Paddy’s merchandise, Mac comes up with the vulgar idea of dick towels. Don’t really know what else to say besides, who in their right mind would ever purchase this, Mac? You degenerate ass.

#1). When he got fat

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There’s no arguing what Mac is more famous for  than when he suddenly came back one season extremely overweight. My favorite part is not necessarily the role of this weight gain in the series itself, but rather Rob McElhenney’s reasoning for why he did it. To paraphrase an interview he had, he saw how characters from popular TV shows tended to become more visually appealing as the programs made more money. He wanted to stray from this and get progressively worse looking as Always Sunny grew in popularity. Eat on Mac, eat on.

Top-Ten Tuesday: Dennis’ Best Moments

Arguably the most vein member of the gang, Dennis Reynolds would probably consider everything he did to be one of his best moments. While he’s clearly not as great of a person as he thinks he is, he definitely has had some hysterically memorable moments throughout the course of the Always Sunny series. While he’s always lurked in the shadows of fan favorites like Charlie and Frank, Dennis has slowly risen to the top of my list of gang members as I’ve watched over the years. I’ve mentioned in previous posts that I may be partial to Dennis’ character because he reminds me most of my own sense of humor, but regardless of where he stands in your ranking, you can’t deny that he has his moments. Here are my picks for his best ten.

#10). When he goes on welfare.

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When Dennis and Dee take some time off from the bar to “follow their dreams” they decide to utilize welfare to gain some spending money. Dennis has the brilliant idea to pose as a recovering crack addict, pretending Dee has a mental disability. Not only does he not get the money, but he ends up getting addicted to crack with Dee and becomes homeless. Dream come true!

#9). When he got a dart through his hand.

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Mac: “Cheese and crepes!”

Dennis: “Dee, we’ll be taking this card.”

During a chaotic game of CharDee MacDennis, Dennis is set on continuing his historic winning streak when he’s subjected to a physical abuse card. He has to use his hand as a dart board and cannot flinch, unless he wants Frank’s team to score a point. When he sends a dart straight through Dennis’ hand, he remains completely still and proves once again that he’s superior.

#8). When he destroys his rival’s house.

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When the gang tries to reignite their flip-cup rivalry, they’re shut down when they find out their old rivals have transformed their bar into an upscale restaurant. Frustrated, and filled with a desire for revenge, Dennis destroys the restaurant owners house–leaving this gem burning hot on his front lawn.

#7). When he looked like a sex offender.

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The “golden gold” was taken down a few pegs when he found out he shared a shocking resemblance to a registered sex offender in the area. To further the embarrassment, Dee convinces him to pop his shirt off at a local playground and teach the kids fitness, to show he’s a nice guy. This prompted the concerned dads to chase him down and acted as a real blow to Dennis’ confidence.

#6). When he join America’s Next Top Paddy’s Pub Model contest.

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Frank: “Dennis, your mule is SHIT!”

Offended that he wasn’t chosen as a contestant for the Paddy’s billboard model contest, Dennis pitches his appeal to Frank and Mac. Although they try to tell him he’s no longer what he used to be physically, Dennis disagrees and is determined to enter and win the contest. The best moment comes when Dennis is asked to pose as a mule and produces the above photo.

#5).  His opinion on manscaping.

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Mac: “What’s not to like? Cricket with a face full of pubes? Hilarious!”

Dennis: “Yeah, but where’re we supposed to get that many pubes, man?”

Mac: “We shave!”

Dennis: “Now, that’s gonna be a problem, I laser. It’s like a turtle shell down there.”

#4). His threat to Dee.

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This one came from the most recent season of Sunny but was one of my favorite lines of all time from Dennis. He looses his cool with Dee when she tries to fake schizophrenia by talking in fake accents and tells her she’d be of more use to him if he skinned her alive and transformed her into a piece of luggage. When Dee asks if he actually has skin luggage he explodes with the above quote that ruled the episode.

#3). His prototype.

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Arguably one of Dennis’ funniest episodes, when he tries to sell his tacky design sketches to an old classmate “Fatty Magoo” he finds the model for his dresses is not doing it justice. Taking matters into his own hands, Dennis shows off his “god-like” body by applying red lipstick, putting on his “prototype,” and bursting into the office, only to be met by the whole gang and a moment of intense embarrassment.

#2). The Dayman song.

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Fueled by Dennis’ creativity and Charlie’s spray-paint high, Dennis comes to check on Charlie after he sunk into a depression after being fired from the guys’ band. Their collaboration results in the creation of the Dayman song that we all know and love.

#1). The D.E.N.N.I.S. system.

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I don’t think there’s any other option for Dennis’ best and most famous moment from the series. His system on how to pick up and eventually throw away women is supposed to be fool proof, but like most of the gang’s plans, tends to backfire. Demonstrating value, engaging physically, nurturing dependence, neglecting emotionally, inspiring hope, and separating entirely are Dennis’ steps to “success” that really get lead him to nothing but restraining orders.

Top-Ten Tuesday: Charlie’s Best Moments

Tuesday is here once again and it’s time for another top-ten countdown. This week, I’ve assembled my picks for the ten best moments from none other than Mr. Charlie Kelly. His wacky outlandish personality has established him as one of the most well received characters from the series. Whether he’s killing rats, eating cheese, or writing in his dream journal, he never fails to make an audience laugh. So, without further adieu, here are Charlie’s top ten moments from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

#10). His green-man acid trip

Photo via itsalwayssunny.tumblr.com

“Green Man is saving your life right now, bro.” When the gang gets the opportunity to try out for the Philadelphia Eagles, Charlie and Frank decide to sit out and tailgate the mediocre event. When Frank drops a boat-load of acid into Charlie’s beer, he slips into a hallucinogenic state–leading to a dance party with the McPoyles in his Green Man suit.

9. His night with the waitress

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During a trip to the Jersey Shore, Charlie runs off on his own and runs into someone surprising–the waitress. She seems shockingly receptive to his greeting and, although apprehensive at first, he runs with her affection. They end up spending a wonderful night together by the ocean. Unfortunately for Charlie however, he comes to find that she was actually on ecstasy the night before and his chances with her are once again crushed into steroid-soaked sand.

8. When he got smart..kind of

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Was this the workings of the apocalypse, or did Charlie Kelly actually become a sudden savant? When Charlie is selected–as a direct result of his sheer idiocy–to be the subject of an intelligence experiment, he finds himself quickly rising up the scale of intelligence. Books on tape, new languages, and science equations all come quite naturally to him as keeps poppin’ the new brain pills. However, we come to learn all of Charlie’s “progress” was just a result of the ever-so-fooling placebo effect; all of his work was actually a jumbled mess.

7. The pirate door

On a mission to scope out the competition from a neighboring Korean bar with a popular micro-brew, Charlie has one of his best dyslexic mess-ups of the series. Misreading an office door marked ‘private’ as ‘pirate,’ he needs the help of Dennis to clarify things for him and explain that no, pirates don’t live in bars.

6. His “spa” day

When Charlie’s birthday rolls around, the gang decides to prepare him a surprise party full of all the things he loves (AKA incredibly ambiguous and incomprehensible etchings found in his dream journal). They send Dee out with two spa gift-certificates to act as a distraction for Charlie as they prepare for the party. However, he’s quite confused by the whole “spa” idea and is convinced it has something to do with spaghetti–which he carries around in a plastic freezer bag the entire day.

5. The Dayman song

After being kicked out of the guys’ band due to his questionable, rape-referencing lyrics–despite his surprising keyboarding skills–Charlie takes to a depressed hibernation in his room. After being discovered by Dennis in his dark living room, high on spray paint, Charlie gets inspiration from the light through the curtains. With their musical juices flowing, Charlie and Dennis go on to create the ‘Dayman’ song, which any fan probably knows…and acted as my roommate’s morning alarm for an entire semester.

4. When he was hooked on steroids

My favorite episode of the entire series, “Hundred Dollar Baby,” follows Charlie as Mac and Dennis train him to become an underground street fighter. Eventually, he stumbles upon Dee’s stash of steroids and winds up hooked, becoming manic and emotionally unstable–more so than usual. The result is a typical Charlie freak out with some drug-induced flare that never fails to make me laugh.

3. When he tries his first pear

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On a road trip to the grand canyon, Charlie reveals to the gang that he’s never had a pear. While I can relate, somewhat, to his confusion about the bulbous appearance and awkward shape of the bland fruit…come on, how have you never tried one? When Mac buys one at the market, Charlie expresses his distaste after having eaten the entire thing–sticker, stem, core, and all. Responding to Mac’s criticism, Charlie comes in with one of his most famous lines, “I EAT STICKERS ALL THE TIME, DUDE!”

2. Kitten mittons

Charlie’s creativity reaches an all time high when the gang decides to make some Paddy’s merchandise. While not Paddy’s related, Charlie creates Kitten Mittons: little mittens for your kitten if it’s being too loud walking around your house. The idea itself, paired with his horribly made commercial make this one of Charlie’s most memorable moments from the show.

1. When he wrote a musical

I wish I could post this whole damn episode (“The Nightman Cometh”) because it’s one of my–and almost every Always Sunny fan’s–favorite episodes. Charlie writes a musical, and the gang acts it out on stage for an ambiguous audience. Charlie acts as the director, becoming progressively more unstable as the gang messes up his “glorious” work. The musical ends with a sunny (literally) song sung by Charlie to the waitress in which he offers up a pathetically sincere proposal. Can you guess what she said?

Top-Ten Tuesday: Dee’s Best Moments

Yes, I know it’s Wednesday. My internet decided to go out yesterday, preventing me from posting my second Top-Ten Tuesday. But, better late than never. This weeks list is dedicated to Sweet Dee and counts down her ten best moments (in my opinion) from the series thus far. From witty comments to physical injuries, Dee always has me laughing at loud; this list counts down the ten moments that had me laughing the loudest and longest. Enjoy, dick-bags.

#10). When she tried to be independent. 

Photo via itsalwayssunny.wikia.com

“Leave me alone! I won’t give you the satisfaction! I’m fine! I’m independent.” After hearing of Dennis’ chauvinistic plan to make women fall in love with him–The D.E.N.N.I.S. System–Dee refuses to be dependent on her man, so as to not fall into the same trap. However, her independence ends in her storming off only to fall down a dirt hill into a thorn bush. Crisis avoided?

#9). When she was temporarily successful.

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“Um, I stepped in front of a bus, but it missed me. I can’t even get a bus to hit on me.” After being set up with a comedy act by the gang, out of pity, Dee’s defeated attitude is a hit with the crowds. As her popularity grows we finally see some justification behind Dee’s hilarious diva attitude. While we come to find out, as always, that joke was on Dee the whole time, her temporary success definitely brings many laughs.

#8). When she thought she found true love.

Photo via itsalwayssunny.wikia.com

“Let’s hump.” After a car accident, Dee meets who she thinks is the good-looking, affluent man of her dreams. A relationship ensues that leads to a sweaty, drunken Dee gagging in the midst of a lap dance. True love at its finest.

#7) Her P. Diddy boat dance.

Excited about their new “luxurious” boat, Dee steps inside, throws on some classic 90’s music, and starts….dancing? Whatever you want to call it, Dee’s moves from this episode always make me laugh out loud.

#6). When she infiltrated the popular group.

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“See ya later Dirt Grub [Charlie] and Ronnie the Rat [Mac]. Hope you suck each other’s rotten peckers til’ ya get mouth cancer.” Back at their high-school reunion, no one is more excited than Dee. Eager to show off her brace-less back she struts right into the popular group for the first time in her life. Verbally and physically abusing the gang in order to fit in, Dee concocts a plan to infiltrate the circle and strike when the moment is right. However, her abuse of the guys along the way is truly hysterical.

#5). When she insulted Mac’s breath.

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Nice try Mac, but Dee’s got a fatty to burn.

#4). When she pretended to be Carrie Bradshaw. 

“That’s the way girls are. We’re catty. We back-stab and talk about each other behind our backs and stalk. Don’t you remember how Samantha and Carrie and the dykey redhead used to do that kind of fun stuff?”

After a viewing of the Sex and the City movie, Dee tries to rally together a group of girlfriends to mimic the stars of the film. However, leading a band of misfits into a life of affluence is bound to end badly. It all comes to a head when Dee tries to flee a shoe store after a credit card decline, with her size-thirteen feet stuffed into shoes she wishes she could actually afford.

#3). When she was a volleyball magnet. 

While trying to make a viral YouTube video to gain publicity for the bar, Charlie discovers that hitting Dee in the face with a volleyball is much funnier than her character acting. Lots of laughs, at Dee’s expense of course.

#2). When she freaked out on Frank. 

Photo via mayanrocks.com

“Yes dad, I know the fight is in a few hours. I’m trying to find my god-damn headband.” A steroid binge has “Sweet” Dee lashing out on numerous people in this episode (as shown above) but the best melt down is while she’s on the phone with Frank before her boxing meet. This temper tantrum revolving around the unknown location of her headband results in her punching a massive hole through her wall. One of my favorite scenes of the entire series.

#1). Any time she dry-heaves.

I don’t think there’s anything that Dee is more famous for in the show than her nervous dry-heaving. It happens frequently in the series and each instance seems to be funnier than the last. Whether she’s nervous, repulsed, or poisoned, Dee’s gagging is one of her funniest qualities and makes for her best moments in the show.

Well there you have it, my picks for Dee Reynold’s top ten Always Sunny moments. As always, if you feel a hilarious moment is missing from this list or wish to talk Sweet Dee and the gang, contact me! Just in case some of your favorites were missing, enjoy this compilation video–including some moments mentioned above and some honorable mentions.

Top-Ten Tuesday: The Gang Looks Back

I’ve always found Tuesdays to be pretty dull. Less dreadful than Monday, yes, but still a bummer–not having quite reached the glorious “hump day.” So, why not use something to make them a little more entertaining? That’s why I’ve decided to call this day each week “Top-Ten Tuesday.” I’m going to be counting down an Always Sunny related top-ten list each week in honor of season ten coming up next month. To start out the tradition I’ve selected what I believe to be the most entertaining, goofy, and memorable episode from each season of the show thus far. These episodes caused me to laugh out loud time and time again and have stuck with me through the years as prime examples of why this is one of the most successful comedies of all time.

Since there have only been nine seasons so far, I selected the best episode from each season and then used the final spot for my favorite episode of all time. So yes, this “Top-Ten” list is a bit unconventional since order doesn’t particularly matter, but you get the idea.

So newbies, use this list as a starting point if you’re looking to dive into the series, and for die hard fans, enjoy the memories of these ten fantastic moments in Always Sunny history:

#1). Season 1, Episode 1: The Gang Gets Racist

I don’t know if it’s just me but I always find myself attached to the pilot episodes of my favorite shows. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is no exception. This first episode is hands down my favorite of season one. It follows two separate story lines that come together in the end. The first revolves around Charlie and Mac as they try to prove to the world that they’re not racist, after the waitress hears a comment from Charlie that makes him sound like a bigot. In the midst of this, Dee gets her new love interest, Terrell, to help bring in more customers to Paddy’s Pub. However, things take an unexpected turn as the gang realizes Paddy’s has become the hottest new gay bar in town. Thus the gang must take some radical measures to convince Dennis to restore the bar to its original state, due to his love of the attention he receives from the new customers. But hey, with a little tequila and a confusing one-night stand I’m sure he could change his mind…

#2). Season 2, Episode 3: Dennis and Dee Go on Welfare

Dennis and Dee’s decision to quit their jobs at the bar and take advantage of unemployment benefits in order to “pursue their dreams” pushes this to the number one spot for season two. The Reynolds siblings are shocked to find out how much money they can get for doing absolutely nothing and of course, begin to abuse the system. However, knowing that unemployment is only temporary, they decide that Welfare is a better option. Posing as a recovering crack addict, with Dee as his mentally-challenged sister, Dennis enters the Welfare office to request aid. They come to find out though that medical records are necessary to prove the legitimacy of the drug use so, logically, the two decide to do some crack before hand so they can get the records. Just a little though. Of course, that’s not how it works out as Dennis and Dee wind up addicted to the drug and put out on the streets. All the while, Charlie and Mac decide to use money from Frank’s hidden account to have a lavish night on the town–fully equipped with a limousine, top-hats, and beautiful women.

#3). Season 3, Episode 9: Sweet Dee is Dating a Retarded Person

Another day, another dude for Dee. In this season-three classic, Dee brings her new amateur-rapper boyfriend to meet the gang, and he seems to be a bit…off. Come to find out Dee’s new man, “Lil’ Kevin,” is an old class-mate of Dennis’ and is actually retarded (a word I never encourage, but will use in the context of this synopsis). Dee, having hoped to ride his growing fame to the top, is quite combative toward Dennis’ accusation, leading them into a sneaky investigation to find the truth. In the midst of this, Charlie, Mac, and Frank decide to use their “musical talents” to start a band–inspired by Lil’ Kevin’s rising popularity in Philly. However, their muddled visions, unclear direction, and sheer lack of talent cause the band to crumble–numerous times. It’s in this chaos though that we get the spray-paint induced musical collaboration between Dennis and Charlie, resulting in the “Day Man” song that has become a staple of the show.

#4). Season 4, Episode 3: America’s Next Top Paddy’s Billboard Model Contest

Season four is one of my favorites, so this was a hard decision to make. However, a classic case of Dee abuse puts this episode at the top of my season-four list. In order to put some bar funds to good use and promote Paddys, the gang comes up with the idea to create a billboard. As Mac, Dennis, and Frank take the reigns, Dee and Charlie–knowing their contributions will be ignored–take another route and decide to promote the bar by making a viral YouTube video. On the guys side, a co-ed modeling competition ensues, but Dennis gets angry that he wasn’t initially chosen as the poster boy and tries to enter the competition and win on his own–to prove he’s still got it. Dee and Charlie’s endeavors include Dee portraying numerous outlandish characters she thinks will make her famous and Charlie repeatedly pelting her in the face with a volleyball thinking it will get laughs online. The result is a hilarious episode of the show with all sorts of physical and verbal abuse on both sides that we’ve now come to expect from the gang.

#5). Season 5, Episode 2: The Gang Hits the Road

What do you get when you cram the entire gang into a tiny red car with the intentions of driving to the Grand Canyon? A hectic and hilarious episode of It’s Always Sunny that takes my #1 spot for season five. The guys decide to go on a road trip, leaving Dee out of course. But, when she catches them before they leave and Dennis’ Range Rover gives out after an aggressive altercation with a cyclist, they’re forced to use her new car and bring her along. Take a guess at how many times she has to pee along the way? Anyways, a series of typical gang speed-bumps–Charlie’s first pear, a runaway hitch-hiker, an unconventional bonfire–make for a rocky road to their final destination. In the end they don’t end up exactly where they planned, but the journey makes for quite an entertaining episode.

#6). Season 6, Episode 3: The Gang Buys a Boat

This episode centers around the gang’s attempt to fix up a disheveled boat that they purchased with the intent to start living a high-class, P. Diddy-esque lifestyle on the sea. While Frank, Dee, and Charlie are left to do the dirty work of fixing up the vessel (of course), Dennis and Mac decide to do what’s necessary to look and act the part of wealthy sea-men (buying expensive clothes and attending a boat party). In the midst of it all we have Charlie searching under water for the keys and other “treasures,” Dee dancing to 90’s R&B hits (greatly resembling an inflatable tube man from a used car lot), and Frank cookin’ up catfish. In addition, we’re introduced to Dennis’ theory of how women are likely to have sex with him if they’re stuck out at sea–don’t worry though, they can say no…but they won’t. It all comes to a close in the typical Always Sunny fashion, with a roaring fire. This sea-bound episode tops my list for season six of the series.

#7). Season 7, Episode 2: The Gang Goes to the Jersey Shore

One of the few times we see the gang anywhere outside of Philly, this vacation episode of It’s Always Sunny wins the award for my favorite episode of season seven. Inspired by nostalgia from their childhood pictures, Dennis and Dee suggest that the gang should take a trip to their old get away spot: the Jersey Shore. Everyone’s excited, including Charlie once he arrives at the hotel after having been knocked out by Mac prior to leaving Philadelphia. Frank and Mac hit the beach (fully equipped with a raft and a rum-soaked ham), but things go awry when their raft floats away from the beach while they sleep. Luckily however, they’re saved by some unexpected heroes. Charlie, Dee, and Dennis go exploring on the beach, walking along the boardwalk, and soak in the culture. Along the way we have Charlie drinking some deliciously dangerous sun-tan lotion, a shocking love affair under the boardwalk, and a gruesome altercation between a carnival ride and Dee’s corn-rows. Eventually, Charlie wanders off to spend a drug-induced dream night with the waitress, while Dennis and Dee roll with a rough crowd in the hopes of having some real fun. In the end, some of the gang leaves with changed opinions on what the shore has to offer, and we as an audience leave with a lot of laughs and hilarious moments to discuss.

#8). Season 8, Episode 2: The Gang Recycles Their Trash

This season eight episode parallels the ideas from an earlier episode from season four, “The Gang Solves the Gas Crisis,” and takes the number one spot. One of my favorite episodes ever, it follows the gang as they devise two separate plans on how to get rid of all the trash build up in the bar due to the union strike at the removal company. Frank concocts a plan to dress Dee up in a slutty outfit in order to bribe a city-official into giving them the contract for trash removal. Unfortunately however, Dee ends up looking like a blonde banana and the official they meet with winds up being the same man who tried to buy the bar from them back in season three–so they’re not on the greatest of terms. Meanwhile, Charlie, Mac, and Dennis decide to dress in tuxedos and ride around town in a limo offering to remove citizen’s trash for a small fee. While they attempt to avoid repeating mistakes from their past plans like brandishing weapons, talking in accents, and letting Dennis do all the talking, their plan somehow still ends up in shambles. Once the gang regroups to get back on track, they revise the plan, and the episode ends in a wild van ride that revives our memories of the series’ earlier seasons.

#9). Season 9, Episode 1: The Gang Broke Dee

As the most recent season to premiere, these episodes are the freshest in my mind. The first episode of the season is a hilarious story centered around Dee. It begins with Dee as a lethargic, dirty, soulless blob. She’s drinking, smoking, eating, and mocking herself before any of the guys can get in a punch line. The other members of the gang conclude that they finally broke her, and concoct some plans to restore her to normal–so she’ll fight back against their attacks and bring back the fun of tormenting her. Dennis tries to find her a shockingly average man to settle down with, while Charlie and Mac decide to set her up with an act at a comedy club to help boost her celebrity image. Expecting a failure, the guys are shocked when her new nonchalant, sarcastic attitude towards herself is a hit with the crowd. Inspired by her great reviews Dee takes on more gigs and grows to be quite famous around Philly, coining the catch-phrase “I’m Sweet Dee, and the joke’s on me.” She eventually gets connected with an agent who gets her a gig on the Conan O’Brian show, promising her a lavish life in Hollywood. Dee leaves the gang behind in a diva-like fashion as she boards a private jet–only to get hammered and start aggressively gagging from nerves. The episode ends with a big surprise that proves to everyone that the joke really is on Dee.

Unfortunately I couldn’t find a clip from this episode anywhere online, but that’s all the more reason to head over to Netflix and start watching!

Finally, the moment of truth *drum-roll* the BEST ALWAYS SUNNY EPISODE EVER

#10). Season 2, Episode 5: Hundred Dollar Baby

One of the funniest television episodes I’ve ever seen, “Hundred Dollar Baby” definitely takes the cake for the best episode of this series so far. Regardless of my affinity toward any episode where I can watch Dee get hurt–this season two masterpiece is riddled with many other funny scenes throughout its entirety. We get into the heart of the episode after the gang is confronted by a meth-head in an ally way who’s looking to take their money. As expected, Dee somehow winds up pushed to the ground and deserted by the rest of the gang, prompting her to delve into self-defense classes–coached by Frank, or “Frankie Fast-Hands” as he prefers to be called.  Meanwhile, Dennis and Mac get the idea to exploit Charlie (shocking..) and train him to be an underground street fighter, boosting his ego for the sole purpose of reaping the financial benefits if he were to win. Anyways, through a sketchy gym-rat that Dee runs into, Charlie and her end up hooked on steroids resulting in chaos and one of my favorite scenes from the entire series where Dee freaks out while on the pone with Frank:

“Yes dad, I know the fight is in a few hours, alright? I’m trying to find my god damn headband, is that OK? Is that OK with you, if I find my headband before I come down there? Is that alright with you, dad? Jesus, why didn’t we get the orange one like I said? This one mind as well be god damn camouflage!!”

*Punches hole through the wall*

Genius…

(Sorry for the crappy video quality, and Dee, sorry for the crappy advice…).

If you have a comment on my top-ten list, or want to share your favorite Always Sunny episodes with me, feel free to leave a comment below or contact me through any of my social-media accounts.